Invasion of the Snails.
Snail. noun - Definition: A slow-moving or sluggish organism that carries its house on its back.
It's ironic that the sport of cycling, especially stage races like the Tour de France, is one of the fastest moving of all sports yet requires its fans to sit still in the same place for hours, days, or even a week, often in extreme conditions just to catch a glimpse of the action.
You might start out with a picnic blanket and a few bottles of wine but if you're serious about being a cycling fan you're going to need more than that. A lot more than that.
What starts as a fun day out can, and does, quickly turn into first, a hobby, then a calling, and finally a lifestyle. Tour de France fans are professionals, full time and dedicated, and have the gear to prove it.
As you get closer to any of the Tour de France stage high points their numbers increase significantly, as if drawn by some strange power. From the bottom to the top of the Col du Galibier is approximately 17km, come race day there had to have been 5,000 snails on the mountain. Is that a record?
French snails on the Galibier
Once you notice them for the first time you start to see them everywhere. In obscure car parks down narrow back streets, in the corner of a field. Stuck out of sight behind a barn or outbuilding of some kind. Small groups of them seem to appear as if out of nowhere, moving into position at mountain tops, stealthy like invaders from outer space. Noticed, but not really registering consciously, as if cloaked in some way.
Taking up a position at the top of the Col du Grand Colombier.
In a country where driving within the speed limit is frowned upon, where do these strange aliens find the audacity to drive about at well below the speed limit? How dare they! To the average French driver, these snails are an abomination, a curse, an affront to the national right to drive everywhere at top speed.
But who are these vilified snail people that don't buy into and support the local economy? They don't stay in hotels and they don't eat in restaurants. Half the time they bring their own food. Overwhelming they are French, retired, on a fixed income, and somebodies grandparents. Sick of being ripped off by a French hospitality sector that feels it has the right to charge what it likes. I think it is fair to say that all is not right in the Republic. A country where the hospitality is more hostile than hospitable can't expect people, its customers, to stay a day longer than necessary, or spend a euro more.
So, it's no surprise they aren't that friendly, avoid eye contact most of the time, don't engage much, little camaraderie, no jokes. Like being at a mountain man convention. People more used to being alone don't engage in social niceties, yet every year they congregate in vast numbers at predetermined locations in the hope of seeing a French cyclist ride to glory. One day they will get there wish.
